Gentle Note: The following blog post mentions chronic illness and emergency room/hospital stay. I don’t go into great detail but I find that sharing my story is healing, and hope it can help others. Please take care while reading.

On the Path to Being Unapologetically Me

How many times can she “find” herself? I bet you’re wondering because this isn’t the first time I’ve talked about this. And honestly? Infinite times. No one is keeping track ….. well okaaaaaay ….. maybe I AM keeping track of all the times I have had these ‘aha’ moments, but no one else is keeping track of me.

But what I’m really doing isn’t finding … it’s letting go. Letting go (aka shifting) fears, limiting beliefs, and the stories society wove that told me I had to be less of me to feel safe, loved, or worthy.

I’ve always been here. Maybe quietly behind the scenes, while my ego and fearful-self drove the bus, believing they were keeping me safe. But still, I was always here, sharing more of myself little by little. Being more unapologetically me, not just in quiet, but slowly doing this with others in my life.

Does this happen to you too? Where you share more of yourself after each deeper healing or awareness?

I’m learning to have more grace for myself, to accept all of me, wherever I am at any given moment emotionally, personally, spiritually, professionally.

And soothing my younger parts along the way is a big piece of it.
To remind them:
I’m the grownup now.
I know how to keep us safe.
I know how to help us thrive.
It’s okay to not be okay.
It’s safe now to be unapologetically me.

Stillness as My Teacher

Stillness and slowing down have been my teachers for some time now. My emotions and my body are my barometers, letting me know when I’m out of balance. The emotional healing work I’ve been doing has had me on a long journey of being more unapologetically me.

Which brings me to what’s been unfolding since March 2025.

The Health Scare That Sparked Deeper Healing

On March 20, 2025, I wrote about how my vascular Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (vEDS) diagnosis had shaped my journey. Specifically how, through self-connection and deeper emotional healing work, I had managed to live without complications for over 20 years. You can read that blog post here.

The very next day, I was in the hospital.

March 21 started like any other Friday evening, enjoying a night of music at my husband’s symphony concert. As intermission approached, my body sent me an urgent message … extreme abdominal pain and discomfort.

At first I thought it was the chairs. Then as I settled in for the last piece of the concert, I realized it was not the chairs, it was not a pulled muscle, and I needed to get home fast. I waited until the concert was over, barely made it out of the balcony section to find my husband near the backstage entrance.

We rushed home, I nursed our daughter while sitting on the couch with a heating pad on my back, and it wasn’t getting better. #momlife

The symptoms I couldn’t ignore any longer landed me in the ER. The diagnosis was shocking: a dissected aneurysm and two more found.

I am well versed in the world of vEDS. My mom has it and has had complications over her life but this was the first time it had physically disrupted my life in a way I couldn’t control. My superhuman self was struggling. All my parts were freaking out and it was all to real to handle.

Healing in the Moment

I ended up spending two nights in the hospital. Those nights weren’t just about monitoring and waiting for answers, they ended up being about deep reflection and connection.

I journaled, processing how I had arrived at this moment, what it meant, and what needed to change moving forward. Every time I napped or slept, I turned to guided meditations. I needed to ground into my body, even though I was experiencing so much unknown, I knew my body would help me.

And then, there were the nurses — God bless nurses! Two incredible women held space for me, listened, and shared some of their life with me. I love how God puts people in our paths to help us wake up even more, help us recognize our resilience, and purpose. Their presence was an unexpected gift and one I will never forget.

In a place that could have felt isolating, I found connection, self-awareness, and the reminder that healing isn’t just physical, it’s emotional and spiritual and deeply mindful.

A New Reality

Fortunately, the dissection healed and the other two aneurysms didn’t appear to be growing any more. So, I got to go home with the understanding that I would slow down and recover. Two nights away from my babies was enough and our reality was all rocked.

The kids learned that mommy isn’t superhuman and I had to dig deep to realize this too. My superhuman needed and still needs a lot of soothing, a lot of reminders and reassurances that I’m not meant to do this alone. For the first few days, it was easy to slow down and rest because I was recovering. But, then it turned into weeks and I was struggling with how to slow down.

The follow-up in April brought more news: one aneurysm was growing, meaning ongoing monitoring, possible intervention in the fall if things worsened.

Physically, I was cleared to practice yoga. I kept getting strong guidance that I was meant to start doing yoga … slowly (aka without pushing). My vascular surgeon also said that my priority was to manage my internal stress differently. That hit me hard.

I felt seen in the most vulnerable way. I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I had to change everything this time; my schedule, my inner critic needed to calm the f*** down, and I couldn’t rely on old habits when I got stressed and boy were they displeased to say the least.

Binge watching Netflix? Doom scrolling on social media? Getting lost in a really good book until 3am? Eating to stuff my emotions? Ignoring my body’s messages? Pretending I can do it alone? Falling back on all the superhuman, people pleasing, and perfection patterns I picked up over the years? Looking to others for validation and to fill my self-worth cup?

Yeah, no … those would not help me with managing my internal stress. My first lesson was to ask for help, because this was all bigger than me. I needed to look at those old habits with a lot of compassion and curiosity in a safe way, with my coach. I needed to find out what fears and limiting beliefs were lying underneath them so I could shift away from those old habits.

To be clear, I still love watching Netflix, going on social media, reading an amazing book, eating the most delicious foods, practicing yoga, and doing the things that bring me joy. I just want them to be more balanced, and not at the extremes I used to lean on when life felt overwhelming.

Let’s shine the light on what’s the truth: I’m human and I will probably slip back into those old habits because they’re what I have used when life gets too much (my coping tools before I learned more nurturing ones). When that happens, it’s okay. What matters most is that I meet myself with a lot of compassion, grace, and understanding. Progress is more important than perfection. This is all a process and giving ourselves grace while we learn something new is one of the most powerful acts of healing and self-love we can choose.

Choosing Inner Stillness Over Striving

So if you’re new here, it will help to know that back in August 2012, I started my emotional healing journey. Since then, I have been really focused on mind body healing. You can read more about my story here.

So after meeting with my vascular surgeon in April 2025, I leaned into the tools I’ve spent years using and teaching others; journaling, meditation, emotional awareness, breathwork, yoga, slowing down and being present. Not just as habits, but as lifelines.

And then, I made a radical decision: I put myself first … even before my kids.

This feels sooooooooo uncomfortable and counterintuitive. But I knew that when my cup was overflowing, when I was deeply connected to myself, I could show up in a way that helped me stay true to myself … for my health, my family, my work, my life.

Fast Forward: Progress and Perspective

September 2025, I went on a retreat with my coach. I went deeper in my healing and self-awareness.

By November 2025, my second scan brought amazing news: practically no sign of the dissected aneurysm and no change in the other two. What I’ve been doing (and not doing) is working!

So what’s next?

Admittedly, I am still a work in progress. I am learning so much about myself and have felt very raw and vulnerable. I’m learning how to sit with myself and accept when I’m not okay.

For now, I will continue the work that is helping me heal and grow. I will continue to honor my body and the messages it has for me. I will continue to care for the wounded parts of me; the parts that are afraid, the parts that think there’s no way in hell I’m going to share my story.

Why? Because those parts are still me. They need my courage and care and love. They can’t be ignored. They too need to be honored and reminded that we’re not alone, and we are safe now.

Looking Ahead with Grace

I won’t ever pretend to do any of this alone. I lean on my husband for a lot of support. My family and friends have also been wildly supportive. Does everyone understand it? No. Do I need them to? Well, yes and that’s why I’m doing more inner work so that I can shift away from needing that external validation from others, and be my biggest cheerleader.

I am a life long learner. I love learning. I love approaching difficult things with an open curiosity. And if that means I take steps back, sideways, forwards, and am not always sure what is coming next, then I’ll take it.

Because feeling everything and showing up each day with a lot of acceptance and grace for myself and my journey is what matters.

I matter.

Much love 💜
Laura

Managing Chronic Illness & Stress: How a Health Scare Sparked Deeper Healing