How Being a Beginner is Healing My Inner Perfectionist
Maybe you follow me on Facebook or Instagram so you’ve seen some of my updates, but I reserve this space for deeper connection.
At the end of 2025, I chose two soul desires for me to start embodying and living in 2026. They weren’t true yet, but boy did I long to have them be part of my life.
❤️ I accept and praise all parts of me.
❤️ I courageously express my truth (myself).
I chose them while in a class with my coach.
Side note, I truly believe everyone needs support from someone outside of their daily life. I’ve been with my coach for 14 years now and I’m not stopping - she has helped me through sooooo many seasons of life, especially the transitions and continued growth that comes with motherhood.
Okay, back to my soul desires. How’d I decide on them?
In class, I focused on my breath which continues to be my best and most favorite way to slow down and connect with myself. It’s the one I use throughout the day when I’m with my kids, too. My coach always has some questions/journal prompts to help us tap into our soul desires. And what kept coming up for me was this need to tap into more of my own power - really showing up as myself as much as possible. I desired fun and creativity and to know what it feels like when I’m my biggest cheerleader. I cheer others on all the time, and I wasn’t doing it enough for myself.
I should mention, I had no idea how any of this was going to play out. I just knew these were the two things I greatly desired in my life:
❤️ I accept and praise all parts of me.
❤️ I courageously express my truth (myself).
Storytime …
Many of you know I am a musician. I used to teach middle school band years ago, I was a woodwind tech for some high schools, and found a deep love for flute and conducting in high school. I also really loved to sing - karaoke or the shower were my outlets. Then the pandemic happened, I became a mom just weeks before everything shut down, I was recovering from a planned c-section, caring for a newborn, and my husband lost almost all of his performing work. Flute? Conducting? Chamber ensembles? Completely out of the question.
I needed a job in another state because we needed to move so we had a better chance at surviving what the pandemic was laying out. Then we moved again… I left before even starting my new job because my amazing husband won a symphony job in a state we never lived or visited - and my line of work (fundraising, project management) was easier to start over than a professional musician. A pandemic story that is true to so many.
But singing? I could take that with me anywhere. Even to this day, I am always singing … at home, in the car, with our kids, the shower, and those difficult bedtimes when the kids need to be lulled to sleep.
In the same class with my coach the end of 2025, I realized how much I miss creating music with others. I’m not ready to pick up the flute in a formal setting - that day will come… it’s just not now. Over the years, every so often I get a bug to join a choir - any choir, whether it be church, gospel, or with a chorus that sings with symphonies - and that itch to join would die right there.
Because deep down I was afraid I wouldn’t get in or I would fail some how.
Because the kids needed their mom a lot those first few years
How on earth would I fit it in to our schedule when my husband’s performance schedule has been driving the bus on everything? Also, not his fault - this was my belief, not his.
Limiting Beliefs and Fears → Truths and Desires
Those 3 things? Let’s lay them out here one more time because they are my limiting beliefs and fears that pop up every time I start putting myself out in the world, when I try something new, or I’m ready to make a shift in my life (e.g. starting yoga or cutting dairy out of my diet).
Limiting Beliefs & Fears
I’m afraid. I’ll fail. What if I’m not good enough? It’s not safe to express myself.
My needs aren’t important right now. My kids need me.
My desires/my creativity come second to how we earn a living.
This really boils down to my perfectionist who doesn’t feel good enough, who doesn’t feel worthy enough of carving out the time for me to pursue life’s joys outside of my family.
Well… that’s where those truths, those soul desires come into play.
First, I needed to shift my mindset in a supportive safe way. Enter my coach, she and I came up with the opposite truths of those limiting beliefs and fears.
Opposite Truths
It is safe now to express myself. I am always worthy and good enough, just as I am.
My needs, wants, and desires ARE important.
Money and abundance flows to me with ease through creativity and joy.
Desires
❤️ I accept and praise all parts of me.
❤️ I courageously express my truth (myself).
Again, I still didn’t know how any of this was going to playout, but I noticed that my perfectionist had been driving the bus lately and needed a lot of soothing and reassurance that we are safe and we are enough now.
What tools do I use daily to help me shift my mindset?
Journal every morning and write them down. My journals range from a beautifully handmade piece by my best friend to a random piece of paper I found in the kitchen. It doesn’t matter what it looks like, what matters is the act of writing it down.
Yoga and breathwork - where I breathe out the limiting beliefs and fears, then breathe in the opposite truths and soul desires.
Catch myself mid-thought when I’m starting to create a narrative that just isn’t true - then repeat the breathwork piece.
Nightly Guided Therapeutic Meditations = the best way to fall asleep, I promise.
Morning, Afternoon, Evening check-ins - whether with my journal, standing in front of the mirror, or in a toddler tornado I am checking in with myself on what I need. How? I start with my breath to get into my body, then do a body scan based on the guided Therapeutic Meditations I use. Our bodies, our emotions, our breath are a mom’s best friend because - like singing - they are always with us.
Instagram Doom Scrolling
Fast forward, now it’s January 2026 and I’m engaging in my favorite way to stuff my emotions when I just want to ignore them (aka not the healthiest way, and I have been working on this a lot by using my tools). Anywho… I come across an ad for a barbershop choir. What?! I had no idea they existed. I did, but I didn’t make the connection after years of being away from the music world.
So, I thought I clicked on a button to learn more information BUT it brought me to a chat window to ask the choir questions. #NoWayWasIDoingThat … but God said, yes you are, because their social media person messaged me directly. #NotReadyToSocialize … but God said, yes you are, so I replied. And I took a massively big step into the unknown and went to my first rehearsal for visitors on Monday, January 12, 2026.
First rehearsal … Am I really doing this?
Yup, I really did it. And in that first rehearsal, I got so lost in my part, I was encouraged to keep going, I met so many wonderful women, and I almost cried tears of joy at least a dozen times. My soul let out a HUGE sigh of relief and joy and my perfectionist freaked the F out. I never wanted to be somewhere so much and also want to run away as fast as possible as I did that night.
Spoiler alert - I ran, just not away, I kept running back every Monday night. I passed my audition, I just passed my first audit/check-in, and my beginner-self is healing my perfectionist.
Healing: Soothing Instead of Bulldozing
In the beginning, I would low-key panic in my car before getting out to walk into rehearsal. Did I use my tools to help me? My breath, my body, my emotions? Yes, I did. And I was still scared. It has taken me about 5 months to experience a shift as I work through those limiting beliefs and fears I mentioned above.
I have been releasing a lot of perfection, tapping into my courage, and learning how to soothe my fear instead of bulldozing my fear.
Side note, bulldozing my fear looked like completely ignoring my emotions, my thoughts, and burying them until I felt sick to my stomach. No surprise that my superwoman got triggered by this and wanted to practice and learn everything as fast as possible to avoid any discomfort or embarrassment. But what does that really do? That ignores me… my emotions, my thoughts, my fears. It completely buries my curiosity, my love for learning, the joy and excitement of being new at something.
Maybe you’re a classically trained musician like me. Maybe you’re not good at being a beginner because we were expected to sight read whatever was put in front of us. Maybe you forgot what it was like to be a beginner. I sure did.
It took several months of safe/positive rehearsals and interactions with the directors and other choir members for my inner child to believe I was actually safe and that it was okay to make mistakes - that I could learn from them.
I made new friends. They come to symphony concerts with me, where I used to almost always sit by myself. Honestly, I love sitting by myself and I still do that, but it’s nice to know it’s more of a choice than a default, now. We have playdates with our kids and an understanding of how important it is for us to have those Monday night rehearsals.
I feel accepted and supported in this group. My perfectionist can now see all the ways I am accepted and supported in my life, not just in choir.
Each week, I still have moments where my perfectionist and superwoman parts are not so trusting - and that’s normal. I am much better at soothing those parts and using my tools so my inner self-talk is more compassionate.
Each week, I am healing my perfectionist on a deeper level and embodying those truths and soul desires.
Opposite Truths
It is safe now to express myself. I am always worthy and good enough, just as I am.
My needs, wants, and desires ARE important.
Money and abundance flows to me with ease through creativity and joy.
Desires
❤️ I accept and praise all parts of me.
❤️ I courageously express my truth (myself).
To wrap up that story time from above. We originally moved for my husband’s job and we have created a life on the shoulders of his career. We have a beautiful home where we are raising our family, and now, through this choir, I have found a community of my own. This doesn’t dismiss the countless friends who are now family that we have met along the way (e.g. mom friends, symphony friends, neighbors). This community continues to show up for us in ways we never expected and I’m deeply grateful for the love and support and acceptance they all continue to provide.
My wish is that this helps you, too. That you find comfort and courage knowing that you’re not alone, because these fears and limiting beliefs we hold are very real. They are ones that likely kept us safe at childhood. My perfectionist has always been by my side. She’s not bad, she’s just out of balance, and by being in an environment where I’m a beginner again, I’m receiving the greatest opportunity to heal and balance these perfectionist parts.
